Sunday, May 6, 2012

I love advertising hype. Coconut water is the new health fad among idiots, many of whom have never eaten an actual coconut. it is tasty and all, but at what cost? Coconut accidents kill more people globally than shark attacks! Sure, the reason I know this is that the good people at Discovery Channel love them some Shark Week, but whatever. They neeed coconut liquor; now THAT'S drinking to your health!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Spring day

Beautiful day outside.  The sun is shining and and the birds are chirping.  At least they were until the crow ate them.

Some idiot bird built a nest on top of my mailbox.  At first I thought "how cute, silly bird."  Then my mail gets covered in shit.  I hate birds. 

I didn't have the stomach to move the nest once I realized I had waited too long and three well formed baby birds were already in it (hence the bird shit).  I guess I'll just have to live with shitty mail.  But wait- what should I see out my front window?  A heroic crow swoops in and snatches a baby bird.  He flew on top of my neighbor's house and tore him to pieces.  Alive.  Then he comes back for the second.  And the third.  And then, for no apparent reason he comes back and throws the nest on the ground and tears it up so I don't have to.   

Circle of life...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

How is abortion like Juan Encarnacion?

Remember Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball?

Well I do at least.  I remember how the trading system was broken because certain players weren't good enough to make the other teams, but were good enough to accept as a throw-in to balance out a trade.  As a result, I could pick up someone like Juan Encarnacion from the waiver wire and package him with a mediocre player in exchange for an average player.  The other team would cut Encarnacion (because trading two players for one pushes them over the roster size limit).  I could then pick him up and trade him back to the same team for an even better player. I would do this over and over and over until I had all their best players and all the best players in mlb.  Great fun.

[btw this can work in fantasy baseball too.  2 for 1's often cause your trade partner to go over the roster limit and cut a player]

Abortion is like Juan Encarnacion.  As I understand it, the Hyde Amendment is a rider inserted into annual appropriation bills barring the use of federal funds for abortions.  Notwithstanding the fact that such funding is already prohibited, pro-life politicians often try to codify the prohibition into substantive statutes (see Bart Stupak's Obamacare Amendment).  If you are their opposition, of course you take advantage of this by agreeing to more meaningless prohibitions in exchange for their vote.  Case in point, Stupak's Obamacare vote. So, if you're a Democrat you might as well embrace the Hyde amendment and milk it for all its worth (though I guess we could argue about procedural benefits of having to- or not having to- re-fight the Hyde Amendment over and over). 

The point is, once you find the relevant Juan Encarnacion, you can keep trading it to them over and over and build your super team.  Go team Ken Griffey Jr. abortion!